How to Know the True Feelings of Someone You Like

Mr. Rice's Notebook

To begin, let's take an example of a young man who is dating a charming and personable young woman. Several weeks have passed, and he's starting to develop strong feelings for her. Being discreet and not wanting to appear pushy, he begins to express his interest in a proper and courteous way. He takes her out to dinner movie, invites her to go for walks, does little things for her. Doing things and going places which they mutually seem to enjoy. Without having to tell her outrightly that he cares, he tries every way possible to communicate the idea that she's "special." Yet, in spite of all his efforts, she's remained "noncommittal" and quiet. He's still unable to determine her innermost feelings and to know where he stands.

The secret to understanding the person you like can be summed up in a simple word RESPONSE, or FEEDBACK. If that person has similar feelings and cares for you, he or she will RESPOND IN LIKE MANNER. That is, he will return the love you give through obvious, direct and overt actions. It is simply a law of life that true love is a "sharing" principle. When you give of yourself in love and concern, the recipient of your affection will respond in kind — if that person is "turned on" toward you.

If a man truly loves a woman and she's equally attracted to him she will experience a desire to give love in return. Through outward signs and actions, she'll let her feelings come through. You won't find it necessary to "probe" for an answer. She'll express it in clear, tangible language so you'll have no reason to doubt.
If, on the other hand, you've been dating for a reasonable period of time and there's no visible response, wise up to the fact that she's probably not interested — hold your feelings in check. By a lack of response, she's saying in effect, "I don't have the same feelings as you do. I really don't want to get involved — at least not yet. I simply want to be a friend." We call this NEGATIVE FEEDBACK.

When love is true and real, the response will always be mutual and will flow naturally and spontaneously. IF SHE'S NOT TELLING YOU SOMETHING BY NOW, THEN OBVIOUSLY SHE HAS NOTHING TO TELL.

Also, if there is a high level of inconsistency in the attitude of the other person on one date he or she seems turned on toward you, on the next date cold as ice  this is a good indication that it's NOT in your best interest to continue the relationship. True love is consistent!

A word of explanation about NEGATIVE FEEDBACK. Just because the person you're dating does not respond to your overtures as hoped, don't allow yourself to become discouraged or think of yourself as being inferior or unworthy. There may be valid reasons why the individual does not want to get serious.

1) He or she may be interested in someone else.
2) The person may feel inadequately prepared for a relationship,marriage.
3) There may be a lack of natural attraction or common interest between you.
4) The person simply wants to be a friend, and nothing more.

If these points apply, face the truth squarely and don't try to convince the person to change his or her mind. Be patient and continue to date others! Eventually the right person will enter your life.

Let's assume you discover that the other person really isn't interested and doesn't want to get involved! Should you then break off dating altogether? Only if you are deeply entrenched, miserably frustrated, and can't get him or her out of your life. The approach, however, is to discipline oneself and back off from dating too much when you find the relationship is not working out. Why allow yourself to get carried away when you can clearly see the handwriting on the wall? Whatever your decision, you should treat the person with utmost respect and don't hold a grudge and act spiteful.

To sum up the matter, if there is doubt, uncertainty or any degree of negativism about how the other person feels — especially if there has been a long dating experience — it is wise to recognize the warning signs and honestly admit the truth: it is not a satisfactory relationship and should not culminate in marriage!

In a true love relationship, you will share, give, help and serve each other. There will be a growing together, a learning process, a blending, a mutual attraction that is MORE than just physical. There will be a spiritual harmony which is based on respect, admiration and honor — and will involve the complete and total union of your hearts and minds.