Why People Feel the Need to Control Others

Control in Relationships, Why?

What is it about people, men or women that makes them need to control others? Control comes in many forms, from outright domination, violence, oppression to subtle forms like the way one may speak to another, or manipulate people through means that prey on people insecurities. Examples that come to mind are cult leaders, dictators, governments, religious leaders and yes, even advertising!

Both the controller and the person being controlled have issues. The controlling personality often has problems with trust. Having probably been abused, hurt, lied to, or anything else relating to these situations. By controlling the environment and essentially that of the person being controlled, gives the controller power and ups their self-esteem. They know that whatever the other person does or says, they have control of the situation and can manipulate the other person to do what they want.

The person being controlled has obvious weaknesses and wants that often, are apparent to the controller. They are easily preyed upon, dominated, threatened into doing and reacting the way the controller wants them to. This often happens even in child- parent relationships with the children picking up on the weaknesses in their parent’s armour and working the chineses to get exactly what they want. Kids notice this instinctively and sometimes even we, as parents, use the same methods to get our children to do what we want.

More that often enough, controllers get off on the power they feel when they know that the other person or people are completely under their influence. If the controlled becomes unruly or does or says something out of line that could lead to them realizing that they are being controlled; well the controller just chooses a few choice words and manipulative phrases that will rope the other person back into their corral of domination. Worst-case scenarios are when controllers lose their hold over their subject(s) and all hell breaks loose. A good example that springs to my mind is the Jonestown massacre in Guyana, South America during the seventies. Or day-to-day event news that you may hear occasionally of someone killing his or her spouse and children. all in the name of control.

Get help, admit to it, take the time to check it out, it works if you give it the time, will and passion to be a better person towards the ones you love. It doesn't matter if you are a parent, spouse, child, friend or co-worker. Control exists in all walks of life, are you a controller?